MushBellyBlog

Speaking of stupid things people say.....

7 years ago my big brother died.  It was sudden - he was in a car accident, and my family was devastated (duh).  I remember calling my best friends the morning after it happened.  I had two best friends at the time - two friends who had known me since I was a child.  Two friends who I felt I needed to talk to, to tell them, to let them help me deal with my grief.  There were people surrounding our family - but I wanted, needed, my own friends, my own little support group, my people, who would be there for me and grieve with me.  I was 8 months pregnant at the time.  I tried all morning to get a hold of one of my friends and when I finally did, I couldn't even speak.  All I could do was cry and hyperventilate becuase it was the first time I was going to have to say the words out loud to someone. 

"Max died.  He is dead". 

I couldn't get the words out.  And when I finally did, my friend said something that has stuck with me all of these years. 

"Oh my gosh.  I was so worried!  You were crying so hard I thought it was going to be something horrible!......Not that your brother dying isn't sad and everything....but I thought it was going to be something really bad"

Uhhh.............I was a bit dumbfounded at her response.  Apparently she thought that maybe I had miscarried, or that my husband had died....or, you know, something "really bad" like that. 

I know, its really hard to know what to say to someone when someone they love has died.  But let me give you a little piece of advice:  Don't say that.