Sometimes I wonder what the heck I have done to myself by having children. I have opened myself up, made myself vulnerable, to the most horrific pain imaginable. Once you have children the worrying never stops. Fear of miscarriage, SIDS, choking, drowning, swine flu....it never ends. Having kids is giving your heart legs to run around, get into danger, shoot heroine, text while driving, choke on pennies....and you can do nothing about it. And its not like it ends once they turn 18. My brother was 33 when he drove his truck into a ravine and died. I saw what that did to my parents. I watched my father crumble to the ground, sobbing like I had only seen in the movies. Since then, when ever I hear of some one's death, no matter their age, I immediately think of the parents. Their pain. And I send up a prayer for them. For the people who sent their heart out into the world, and had it broken to pieces.
Of course, I know its worth it. I wouldn't trade my girls' for anything. Its worth the risk, the worry, the fear, but oh boy, parenthood is scary.
2 comments:
What an amazing description. I thought I just had unusual anxiety but it may just be parenthood.
That mommy's blog with the little boy that drowned had me bawling for days. It's nice to be reminded how precious they are huh?
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